Frustrated

I wish I could share with you all that is really happening in my life. I want to just explode with frustration in this blog. The problem is when you put a blog online you are opening up your deepest secrets and family drama to anyone who can find you. It's kinda weird.

Lets just say, "Lord I am trusting you in this situation to vindicate me and to bring the truth out."

So on another note, I am still loosing weight and inches. I am into my skinny jeans again, and I have a trip to Vegas coming up that I am super excited about.
I will post pictures of what I look like when I get back from Vegas.

Soooooo, God is so good. I have been in Gillette Wyoming for three weeks now to the day. Coming to a new town, especially when it's filled with new relationships and new people who are different from you, but special in their own way, has had it's ups and downs. I am learning how different families have different dynamics then the way my family functioned. God is humbling me, and I think using me in many positive ways in the lives of those around me.
Samantha is definately having a great time with her cousins here and enjoying the play time with other kidos, instead of just her mom all the time.
Today is Sunday, and JD's mom and dad and their friends who are visiting from Rapid City have invited all the kids and Grandkids over for breakfast. I made breakfast casserole which is in the oven as we speak and should be done any minute. Rochelle, who just had a new baby last week, is making muffins. We all start our morning with coffee and St. Brenadines (Irish cream liquor), it's a little different from Sunday mornings with my family at church around this time.

Friday night we watched Samantha's cousin Liam. He is too cute and they had a blast. His mother Sherry is JD's sister. She is such a sweet heart.

So much to say about life in Wyoming. One thing I will say is I called my sister Selah last night for some counsel, and when she didn't answer her phone I called my sister Kendra, who did answer and talked with me, prayed with me and really helped me a lot find some clarity in some of the challenges I am facing. Thanks to her prayer and the power of God's truth I feel 100% better today.

HOT

So it was like 102 degrees here today. I don't know how my family does it in Texas with these temperatures all the time. JD is working for his mom's company doing roofing jobs in this hot weather, coming home looking like a Mexican because he is getting so much sun. It's weird that we both use to have such awesome careers and make great money, and we gave it all up to be together. It's amazing what love will make you do. We have our little girl Samantha, we have each other at the end of the day that's what really matters. So many people in this world who have money, careers, material possessions don't have true love, and someone to share it with. I would rather be poor with the love of my life, than to have my old career and be lonely.

The Adjustment Bureau

So I just watched a really cool movie about free will, fate, chance and writing our own destiny. It had a lot of good points. So, in my life I truly believe my choices, and the choices of others have really changed my destiny. I am not even joking when I say that I was on the right path and exactly where I was meant to be when I married my first husband. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were in God's will and plan. Choices that were made, by the both of us changed the direction of that plan for the future. Many turns and and toils brought me to JD at the club in Vail in March of 2008. It was fate, chance or God's intervention that brought us into each others lives. He had made it through many battles in Iraq and I had made it through two failed marriages and crazy career changes to get to Vail on that business trip.
What has happened by chance or fate in your life. It's interesting to think about.

Getting settled in....

Well, It's been over a week since I've had a moment to blog. We have been packing and moving to Wyoming, where my husband's family lives. Well, I guess I can't refer to it as "where my in-laws live" anymore, because now I live here.

I am very fortunate today because JD started work, and Samantha is sleeping in so I've had all morning to myself. I spent most of my morning putting away dishes and picking up the living room. I have almost finished unpacking everything, but have a lot of pictures to hang today.

I have still continued to loose weight, in the midst of the move. I have been watching my portion sizes and only eating when I am hungry. Making little changes in my diet and dining out behaivor such as eating a spinach salads with Salmon, instead of a burger, when we went out to eat for our last dinner in Steamboat.

I am down a total of eight pounds since I started this blog in July. I am going to start working out again here in Gillette.

I really was sad to leave Oak Creek Colorado. We made some great friends there, and will move back someday, when it's right. I think JD will want to travel after he finishes his nursing school, and then we will settle down in Colorado.

Our friends in Oak Creek came out for our going away party and we had a great time, even though it poured rain on us. I spent my last week filled with friends, fun, bonfires, new babies, hanging out with my friend Agne and her husband Cory, hot-tubbing with Jaila and Chelsea in Oak Creek and walking down main street with JD and Samantha. It was a good ending to an eventful two years spent in Steamboat.

When I first moved to Colorado it was a big change from my busy days in the world of Finance. I went from traveling and staying in hotels every week, to running on the river trail surrounded my the most beautiful scenery in the country.

God has been very good to me, and lead me into a place of peace.

The Life of Joseph

So here I am, seventeen years old, at Trinity Church in Cedar Hill, TX . The preacher was teaching about Joseph that day and all of the trials, tribulations, false accusations, inprisonment, seperation from family, exalted to a high place of power in the land, and then ultimately responsible for saving many lives. God spoke to me on that night and confirmed that my life would have many of the same characteristics as Joseph's life. His story can be found in Genesis Chapters 37 - 42.
Some of you who may know me now have only known certain sides of me. Some of you may know my professional side, because we once worked together. Some of you may know the side of me that I am not proud of, after my second divorce when I was living life apart from God's laws and in total disobedience from those laws. Others may have known me my whole life, and know the transformation that happened after I accepted Christ and wanted to spread the Gospel to everyone I met.
I remember being in that Sunday night service (because I couldn't get enough of God's Word I went to church every time it was open). I remember crying because more than anything in this life I just wanted to be used by God in a powerful way. I thought when I had made it to the top of my career in Finance and was making north of six figures and worked with the largest Stock Brokers on some of the largest investment accounts for Retirement Funds in the country that I had arrived at my Joseph rules Egypt moment. Now, I sit on a couch in a coal miners town, married and being a mother and I wonder, when will I get there.

As I write this blog I really wonder, why has my life been filled with so many twist and turns. Why have things worked out the way they have? Maybe you ask yourself the same question. If I know one thing for sure it's this, God is good. He loves me, he has a plan for my life and from where he sits in heaven things make sense to him. He knows the inter workings of all our lives. He knows what you are going through, and why you have to go through it. He is building character in us. I feel like our world and our country need to understand that God is in control, and fear him more.
I didn't want to turn this blog into a "Let me preach at you today" blog. I am really just writing it to force myself to contemplate more. Life happens so quickly, and there is so much amazement and wonder in life. If I don't take time to write my thoughts then that's all they are, just thoughts. Maybe some of the experiences I have been through and lessons I have learned will touch someone and give them hope. Who knows, I will just keep writing.

Tired, Tired Tired

Have you ever had one of those days when you have so much on your plate to do, but no energy to do it. Call it what you will, maybe it's because I ran this morning on an empty stomach or I haven't been eating enough, but I am beat!

I layed Samantha, my daughter, down for a nap this morning and came in the living room to get things done. I layed my head down on a pillow on the couch, and next thing I knew an hour and a half had flown by and Samantha was screaming in her bed (for who knows how long).

I read the scripture in Jeremiah 31 today that says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with loving-kindness I have drawn you. Again I will build you, and you shall be rebuilt,".

The scripture goes on to say, "You shall again be adorned with your tambourines, And shall go forth in the dances of those who rejoice."

God, why do you love your people so much. Why are you so gracious to us. What is it about us humans, who you have created in your image, but we forget you but you still love and care so deeply about us.

I have known Jesus since I was seventeen years old. I had been kicked out of school and was being home-schooled, when one of my old boyfriends told me that Jesus was real and had changed his life. This was peculiar to me since I had grown up in church and had heard of this sort of thing happening, but it had never happened to anyone my age that I could relate to. Even so, the person who was telling me this had tatoos all over his body, had been raised by a lesbian mother, had been my first sexual experience and had broken my heart many times in the past. Why should I trust him, why would he care to even tell me this, risking total embarrassment. One reason, Jesus is real and he is alive. My life changed that night, January 17, 1995.

I will get up off this couch and go forward in the strength and joy of my God, rejoicing today because God loves me and has drawn me to him with his loving kindness.

SIX POUNDS DOWN

Wow!! Something is finally working. I am sure it's a combination of not eating unless I am hungry and stopping when I am full. My portions and the amount I consume has gone waaaaay down. I don't really watch what types of food I eat, I eat what my body is telling me it wants. Like tonight I made Stuffed Shells (with Ricotta, Mozzerella and Parmesan) squash as a side dish and grilled chicken.

I have also been running, and that is definately speeding up the weight loss. So I lost six pounds. I've gone from 158, to 152. I started my pregnancy at 150, so I am only two pounds heavier than that. I have lost a total of 48 pounds since I had Samantha, and have 32 more to loose to be 120, which is my current goal.

On a completely different note, I finally know where we are moving in Gillette. It's a very nice apartment complex across the street from where JD is going to nursing school. I'm excited about the new change that is coming.

The reason I put this other picture of me up here was to remind myself of my old body, and my end goal!!

Pesto on Sourdough

So, because my daughter kept me up for most of the night, my husband took her and let me sleep in this morning. However, it wasn't 15 minutes into my snooze when I heard a thud, Samantha crying and JD swearing and of course, I get out of bed to take care of her. She is learning how to stand up on everything and always pulls herself up on our coffee table, the problem is she falls a lot and bangs her head. So, JD decided he would be better off if he did his studying at the school instead of in the living room while Sesame Street was blaring and Samantha was practicing her new LOUD talking voice (Ba ba da da ba da b)!

He left and I put her down for a nap, when I realized I hadn't done my morning run, but was hungry. I ran twice yesterday for a good 45 minutes each time, and my body needed some fuel. So I went to start my devotion time and I felt the Holy Spirit, or my own brain, say, "It's ok, eat. You don't have to run on an empty stomach every morning to loose weight, you can run this afternoon when you are hungry."
So As I rumaged through the fridge looking for something good I saw Sourdough bread that I had thawed out last night, pesto in a jar and cheddar cheese! Yum!

I guess the moral of the story is, even though it's a good idea to exercise first thing of a morning on an empty stomach if life doesn't allow that then it's OK! I thouroughly enjoyed my Toasted Cheese and pesto on Sourdough bread and will have an awesome run later today. I also plan on making Chicken and Broccoli Pie and Zucchini Parmesan dish later for dinner. I will gladly have small portions of each and feel really good about my day of eating and exercise. I am definately loosing fat on my body. I haven't weighed yet, because I don't have scales. I will weigh myself later this week at the gym.

I hope each of you does something special for yourself today. Even if it's taking a nap after work, making a delicious dinner, or just running some hot water over tired feet. Treat yourself like you are royalty, because in my book each of us are sons and daughters of God, and it doesn't get better than that.

Love Running

Running!! So I totally have the best iPod running mix. It's Dubstep Running Tracks Workout Music, it's Electronic. I ran for 45 minutes up hills and on dirt roads with my Bob dully (A double stroller) carrying Samantha in it. I didn't even feel tired because I was rocking out on my iPod. So today I made a great Frittata with bell peppers, onions, turkey sausage, ricotta and potatoes. I used some Pesto sauce in the egg and cheese mixture and boiled the potatoes before I saute them so they were soft. Delicious!! I haven't been hungry all day, even though I ran 45 minutes. I did take a nap with my little girl, and had some Almonds and coffee, but other than that, just waiting for my stomach to feel hungry. I don't listen to my head anymore when it comes to eating, just stomach growls. Ohh, I almost forgot I did have one piece of whole wheat bread with Natural Peanut Butter and honey.
Don't try to to copy anyone's diet, listen to your stomach and your body, and give it what it needs (only when hungry, and stop when full).
So that is it for today, It's Sunday and I need to pack since I am moving in like two weeks, and haven't really started packing.

Running

So, part of the Weigh Down program is getting away from your dependance and addiction to exercise as the main means to weight loss. I think the main point the Author of the Weigh Down book is making is, "If you hate exercise you can still loose weight if you massively decrease your food intake with following hunger and fullness.I have read many testimonies on their website where people lost 40 - 50 and even 100 pounds and they said they didn't have to exercise.

I think it's ok to have both in our life. I don't see anywhere in the Bible where exercise is ever discouraged. You hear stories of men in battle all the time, and you know there is no way to go into battle if you are not is shape of some sort.
Well, this morning I was reading a chapter in one of my Christian encouragement books, and JD said something that now makes me laugh, but then really made me mad. He said, "IF you spend time running outside, instead of reading books about loosing weight then maybe you would start loosing more weight". Ya, pretty harsh, right? Well, it was, but at the same time there was a lot of truth in what he said. So I put my tennis shoes on and went for a good long run. I ran up hills, I ran to the high school, I even ran around the high school football field three times. I began to really enjoy it and feel great when I was doing it. The truth is the smallest I got in my adult life, late 20's, was when I was living in Little Rock with my second husband, and would run everyday outside for 3 - 4 miles. I also did Pilates videos everyday. I think that exercise should be for enjoyment and to increase endorphins, and not only to loose weight.
So my promise to the readers of this blog is I am taking up running, like seriously. I will be downloading some new music to my ipod tonight, and tomorrow I start running, daily, except weekends. I will run with the baby in the stroller if I have to. I will keep you posted to how this goes.

Looking and Feeling Good

So It's been about five days since my first blog and I feel great, and to be honest I am starting to see a resemblance of my thinner self emerging.

I literally believe in the principals of the Weigh Down Workshop, because there is never a feeling of depriving yourself. I woke up this morning after having a dinner of Spinach, Tomatoes and Mozzerella Cheese on a whole wheat tortilla last night, and I was craving a cinnimon roll. So I made home made cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Now I know some of you well studied scientist are sitting out there saying, that goes against everything we know to be healthy and right for breakfast. However, I happened to read an amazing scripture that totally verified that these little treats (In small amounts and moderation) are actually a gift from our heavenly father. This is what I read in my morning devotion. AMAZING!!
"Like a lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters. Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods, So is my beloved among the sons. I sat down in his shade with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Sustain me with cakes of raisins, refresh me with apples, For I am lovesick." Song of Solomon 2: 2 - 5
HOOOLLLDDDD UP!
It was funny that when I was making my cinnamon rolls I decided to put raisins in them. How is it that after I make my rolls and have a few small bites to satisfy my craving for them, I open the Bible and find this scripture that talks about cakes of raisins. It's because I believe God loves me so much that he wants me to know good gifts are from him, and he made me desire good things, even like cinnamon rolls, which everyone in the diet industry claims are the absolute worst thing in the world.

For years I have been going back and forth from science and faith when in comes to having a hot body. My first husband was a Biologist and had a Masters degree in Biology, and thought the best way to eat was cans of tuna, all day long. Seriously!!! My second husband was a Doctor and told me I need to eat Salad, like everyday for lunch and dinner. I was a size 0 then, and he still thought my butt was too big. My point is, I was miserable in those days because I wasn't thinking for myself and listening to my body, I was trying so hard to be loved and excepted by the men in my life. It sent me into this yo-yo lifestyle of starvation, then binging. You know how it goes, you have probably found yourself in this cycle before. I do know that everything that science has taught us about food is correct and true, however if you have a greed and desire to overeat, or you have a love relationship with food then it doesn't matter how much your diet program teaches you about USDA recommendations. I tell you, if you just eat enough to sustain yourself and not overeat, you will loose weight and your body will start craving the things it needs. Like last night I was craving tomatoes and spinach.

Day 4 of Weight Loss Journey

Things have been going very well, actually things couldn't be better. I am sitting on my couch after a long afternoon with my daughter. The weather is beautiful here today, so we went in the front yard on a blanket and played for a while.

So you are all probably wondering how the weigh down is going. I have been eating less food, but it's all been so delicious. I have been eating only when my stomach growls, and a very small portion when I do eat. As soon as I feel satisfied I stop and then satisfy my sweet dessert craving with a few chocolate chips. I probably am only consuming 800 calories, but I am enjoying every bite of what I eat. I have some pesto in the fridge so today for breakfast I put a little of that on a whole wheat piece of bread with a tomato and some mozzarella, I didn't eat again until late afternoon and had a very small portion of the sloppy Joe Bake I made for my husband's dinner. I have had a couple cups of coffee with creamer. I have gone on walks with my daughter everyday almost. I feel great. If you want to know about the book and program I am on just google weigh down workshop. Read some of the testimonies, they are life altering.

Dessert of Testing Cont...

So I mentioned when I started this Weigh Down blog, that I had an epiphany that I was in a dessert of testing. Well listen to this,It's from Deuteronomy 8:2,3 "Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the dessert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord." The promise land is a place out of the hot dessert, for me that place is I no longer am tempted to eat unless my stomach is hungry. That place for others may be no longer addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, a happy marriage, Kids who have grown up and are doing well, for everyone there is a Promise Land, a place you yearn to be in your life.

Have I been humbled....yes.
Have I been tested.....yes.
Have I kept his commands...sometimes
Am I still in the dessert....yes

I think to really look at our lives and answer these questions honestly we have to ask the question, "Am I living in the promise land, flowing with milk and honey?"
If there are places in our lives that are not prospering and not filled with good things like milk and honey, then we are probably not all there yet.
I have decided I am going to start listening for his voice and not wander around for another 12 years or 40 years, what ever you want to call it.

Day 2

I had a wonderful day yesterday. I usually spend my mornings and afternoons watching the Food Network and learning new recipes. Instead I put it on Joni and Friends, which is a Christian Program about a quadriplegic who goes around the country telling peoples stories that are encouraging and uplifting. I was so touched when I heard about this Prison, it use to be the bloodiest deadliest prison. It's the largest maximum security prison in the country and most of the inmates are on death row or sentenced to life, so 90% of them never leave. IT was amazing how the Warden had let God in and now then men are so meek and gentle and how they have a wonderful community, safer than most of ours. Please take a few minutes and watch this amazing video. Just copy and paste in a new window.

http://youtu.be/m7Pk2hC3hoM

Weigh Down

I have been struggling with my weight since I was twenty years old and engaged to be married for the first time (I ended up being married to three different men). I remember being a gymnast and swimmer in my younger junior high and highschool years, and being very active and athletic. It wasn't until I went to Chile on a Missions Trip, where we would stuff ourselves with fried bread all day long, that I started to gain weight. I went on that trip after my freshman year of college, I came back my heaviest, which back then was I think 125 lbs. I came back and it wasn't five months later I found myself engaged to be married and had seven months to get ready. I went home after the end of my sophomore year of college and had all summer to prepare for the wedding. I remember my mom telling me about a class at church that she had taken called Weigh Down Workshop, she gave me the book she had from the class. I read it and everyday applied the priciples of waiting until I was hungry to eat, and as soon as I felt satisfied I would stop. I did spend some time with God, and would turn to him when I was very hungry, but I wasn't all in 100% passionate about him. I just wanted to loose that weight. Well, it worked and would you believe by the time of my wedding I was 110 lbs.

The main point of the book is to fill your empty heart and emotions with a relationship with God, and not food. Do not use food for any other reason except to satisfy a hungry growling stomach. That summer before my wedding I saw myself shrink everyday and I literally ate things like M&Ms; Sonic Jalapeno poppers and food I loved since I was a kid.

So here I am, twelve years later. I have done fitness competitions, (see image above), and followed strict high protein low carbohydrate diets. I have been on exercise and running binges. One time, during my second failed marriage, I had got down again to 109 lbs., but was running three miles a day, doing Pilates and literally eating salads and chicken everyday for my husband who was a doctor. All the while he was at the hospital having an affair with a younger women, who was a medical student. I have tried everything, and I sit here in Colorado at the age of 32 and have my first child, who is seven months, and I am very happily married to a man who loves me.

All that to say, I sit on this couch and after twelve years of going back and forth from diet to diet, thinking I could outsmart God and follow all the ways of proven science and the world with all their diets and work out programs and I am 158 lbs!!! That's almost fifty pounds heavier, I was 200 when I gave birth!!!!

Wow, did I ever think I would be here.

So finally I pick up the book that helped me loose 15 pounds in two months way back when I was twenty years old, and finally............finally I read and understand.....I've been in Egypt. The main concept is God treats us just like he did the children of Israel, we are in a dessert of testing. I have been in my dessert and have been stubborn this entire time, trying to do things my way, the worlds way.

This blog is an official repentance to the Lord for taking his grace and his mercy for granite. This blog will follow me from today, Monday the 18th of July, 2011 through my journey on the Weigh Down Workshop. I want to prove to everyone who reads this that doing things God's way, putting a loving relationship with him first, is the best way to be happy, loose weight and find your purpose in life, every single day. Every day can be filled with joy and delicious treats, in moderation, and at the end of this journey I will be 11o lbs again, and I will be totally delivered from dieting and addiction to exercise. Follow me.